John Kelly Ross, Jr.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010 3:59 pm

 
       We are all only human.  And so we have our fears whether rational or not.  I had my fears as a child.  Horses.  Cows.  (Those fearsome critters could step on a little kid and squash him like a bug!)   

        Today I have a new phobia.  A new terrifying new object of fear! 

        Hard boiled eggs. 

        What? 

        Yes.  Those sneaky, treacherous, evil hearted hard boiled eggs. 

        Listen to my terrifying story and shudder in sympathetic reaction to my tale of horror. 

        I come in last Thursday from a nice quiet day at the library not expecting my soon to be life changing misadventure looming so ominously in my near term future.  I make that most routine, most natural of decisions.  I decide to have dinner. 

        What to have?  How about those two hard boiled eggs stored in my refrigerator? 

        What could be simpler? 

        Of course I wished to gently heat them up in my microwave.  Oh, faithful decision! 

        I remove the soon to be retrospectively sinister objects from the microwave oven. 

        I sit down at the table. 

        I pick up a slightly warm hard boiled egg. 

        I bite into it. 

        THE HARD BOILED EGG EXPLODES IN MY MOUTH WITH A SEARING PUFF OF STEAM! 

        I burn my lips.  (whimper, whimper)

        Be afraid, be very afraid. 

        There might be a microwave warmed hard boiled egg out there with your name on it!